How Do I Tell You I Love You?
by MoonlightatDusk
Summary: Usami is upset after Misaki rejects his affection again. Misaki is left to think, to decide, finally on his feelings. He needs to come to terms with his confused emotions, if he wants Usagi back!  Please review :   First time fanfic!


**Just something I came up with. One shot, first try at this whole yaoi romance thing XD 3 Junjou Romantica!**

Misaki POV

I was calmly washing the dishes, when I felt a set of giant hands clasp around my shoulders from the back. They traveled down, until they grasped my hips, and started grinding them against Usagi's.

"Usagi!"

"Shh…" he whispered into my ear, his breath like lavenders

"What do you-! It's diner time! Time to eat, dumbass!"

"The only thing I want to eat right now is…you" his whisper was devish.

"NO! Not again!"

Usagi-san let go of his victim. Misaki was a little bit surprised by this, and turned around. Usagi was already gone.

"What's gotten into him? Usually he would just leave his hands to wonder on Misaki, completely disregarding his pleas for release.

I tried to enjoy my day without Usagi's paws all over me. Around dinnertime, however, I was starting to get really worried. He hadn't come out of his room in over five hours, and usually, that would be normal. He was either A. Working on a new normal novel, or B. Working on one of his BL novels. However, I know that Aikawa let him have a five-week break from writing. His brakes normally involved raping me every day, sometimes non-stop. It was around four in the morning, and I still couldn't go to sleep. The calmness o the house made me feel eerie. It was like Usagi-san had disappeared from this house…his ghost leaving behind him a sense of sadness and despair.

I didn't understand! When I protested before, he never paid attention! In less than a minute, I would be stripped and he would be uttering all these embarrassing things in my ears, as his hands explored the territory he already knew so well. Was he…I couldn't even think of a reason he would be so upset! I mean, I knew he couldn't live without me, for God's sake! How could he keep away from me for more than ten minutes? AND WHY WAS I WORRYING ABOUT THIS CRAP?

Oh no… My heart skipped a beat, as a thought flit through my mind; was_ I like a necessity in his life? Could he have-_ No! He couldn't kill himself because I didn't let him have me! He couldn't have! He has so many fans and such an important job…if he killed himself, he would be letting millions of people down. And yet…all he ever wanted was for _me_ to like his novels….he wanted-…._me._

"_I love you, Misaki…" he whispered that night, holding my hand, his fingers slowly entwining in mine._

"_A-Ah USAGI! Why must you say those words! You don't-"_

_His lips collided with mine, as his tongue ran over my lips and then slipped inside. It was a gentle kiss, full of emotions said too much on his part….and expressed too little on mine…_

Every single time he said he loved me, I disregarded it as a joke. That's what must have hurt him the most. Not all the times I resisted him, not all the times I pushed him away, not even all the times that I said I hated him! It was all those times I _didn't_ say, "I love you, Usagi-san"

He was a world famous author, and wasn't scared of what people might think. He introduced me as his lover and never once blushed of embarrassment. I couldn't count how many times his words reddened my face, as I tried to stir away from them. What did I feel for Usagi? I mean…how could I still not love him? After everything we've been through, after almost a year! UGH! Why was I too shy to admit it! I couldn't even think it in my mind, let alone speak those words that I knew I felt. Deep inside of me, I always felt them, from the moment we kissed at that lamppost so long ago.

My family was raised in tradition. I was supposed to bring back a beautiful girl, whom my family would fall in love with! I was supposed to love her the best I could, and one day, standing on one knee, I would ask her to be my wife. I would kiss her under the alter, and a couple of years later, I would have little Hiroshis and Anawas running around in our backyard. However, I could never actually fully picture my life like this. My heart didn't yearn for it. Come to think of it, I still couldn't picture myself with a girl. SHIT! I didn't just admit that I was ga-…

What did I want? Maybe this is why Usagi-san left me alone…to think. He got tired of my indecisions and just wanted me to come to terms with all f this. I desperately wanted to make Usagi happy. Pushing all my ideals and morals aside, I sat down on our couch. Snuggling the huge bear that smelled of _him_…is that what I wanted? Did I want to wake up every morning to the sight of those large, innocent purple eyes? Did I want to feel his presents in _our_ home? Did I want to have his huge hands wrap around me at the most unpredictable moments and carry me in to bliss? Did I like those nights where we just sat in the dark and cuddled, no words needed to be said? I liked having someone to take care of. I liked cleaning our place and arranging all his toys, shaking my head at how childish the pervert really was.

What if I ever lost him? I imagined Usagi the lo- … my housemate being carried into the ER, doctors swirling like bees around him…connecting this and that in an attempt to get a breath out of him. And then, they come out and tell me "Misaki… your friend is dead." "HE'S NOT MY FRIEND!" I bawl out, "HE'S MY LOVER! I LOVE HIM! I WANT HIM BACK!" hot tears stain my cheeks.

"Misaki?" asks a concerned, husky voice. He has been crying. I could hear it through his strained words.

I turn to him, and stare, tears staining my own cheeks.

"You were…screaming all those things…are they-are you alright?" he asks, still straining to keep together.

"YES! You win okay?" I yell at him in fury and confusion, shutting my eyes. "THEY'RE TRUE!" _Close your eyes, that way nothing distracts what you're feeling…(_that's what he told me when we were…) "I-I LOVE YOU! OKAY? I can't be without you! I was so worried!" I sobbed deeply, snot coming out of my nose. "I can't live without you! I thought, like you wanted me to! I imagined all this stuff that you did to me that I resented, or at least thought that I resent it!"

I heard muffled steps. _He's leaving…_ "I imagined you dead," I bluntly screamed. "I imagined you in the hospital-the nur-doctors all around you! Your lifeline was flat! It was so devastating! I couldn't live without you because-_ come one you can say it-_ because I l- I am _in love_ with you!"

Warm, strong, hands embraced me. I fell into him, and sobbed in his arms.

"It's okay" he lulled, "I won't let you go through that pain. I'm here, I'm sorry", soothing words spilled from his mouth, his breath enchanting me in a land of lavenders and smoke.

"No…please I don't be sorry," a soft whisper, muffled by his shirt, escaped my lips.

He was utterly surprised, but didn't stop stroking my hair, playing with it delicately with his long fingers.

"You were right. It's not fair that you are always so, _so _loving to me, but I never show you my love in return. Sorry that I felt embarrassed by you. I swear I don't anymore…" I blushed, and he smiled, "well, not as much. It's just that-" I stopped abruptly, nervous to go on spilling all of my secrets into him.

"Tell me…Misaki," he quietly ordered.

"I was always raised believing that g- whatever you"- I forced myself to go on, "_we_ are, isn't normal. Yes, I think I am, since I never had feelings for girls in the first place" I blushed at my own confession, but it was a relief blush, not made of tension and uncomfort.

"And now?" asked patiently, bringing my head up to look at him. He was so…so… _gorgeous…_

"Well," at that point, I calmed a little, but my face was still red from the overwhelming emotions that I held back for so long. "I'm still a bit edgy. Sometimes I feel my heart jump in fright as you launch at me. But, it has been nice…living with you and all" I mumbled. _Damn!_ I still couldn't say it straight.

"And all?" he asked, charm filling his seductive voice, a small smirk of content forming on his face.

"N-n- yes" I admitted shyly. My face was glowing red.

Usagi brought me to sit in between his legs; I leaned on his strong, muscular body for support.

"Really? Not that I care," he said, trying to sound playful, "but, do you seriously take all that we-I do to you as …ugh I can't even say it! Do you think I'm _raping _you?" He finished, with a slightly worried

"W- Things…change. Yea, at first-ah- HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF SOMEONE TOUCHED YOU THE FIRST TIME YOU MET! And then all those other times…I didn't know you. I knew you were hurting because of my brother and that I was a measly substitute," I blabbed, getting heated again.

"Shhh…There you go again, yelling at me," Usagi rubbed my hair and whispered comforting words into my ear.

I looked at him apologetically, "I'm sorry. I guess I'm just so used to rejecting my feelings for you, it's gonna take some time before I'm going to act all lovey-dovey-" he chuckled, I growled, "around you. But I do feel it!"

"I know, I know," he kissed my hair softly. I was still in shock that he still didn't pounce on me by then. "Answer my question," he prodded.

"I didn't run away for a number of reason. Number one, I had nowhere to go; I couldn't just disrupt the newlyweds, you know? And-and the second one," I paused and blushed, "is it kinda felt good…sometimes."

Akihiko smiled mischievously at my remark, earning another blush from my face. "Go on," he commanded, obviously pleased.

"I don't think you raped me. I didn't yell because something was stopping me, and it wasn't fear. I do love you, Akihiko. I love you, I love you, I love you, I-"

His lips connected with mine, pushing his cool breath into my overworked mouth. His fingers gripped mine tightly as he deepened the kiss. This time, I didn't resist. I didn't want to. I just wanted this moment to last forever. I wanted to hold on to it tightly, at the fear of it slipping away. What if I become a coward again?

"Misaki," Akihiko breathed into my mouth, "does that mean you'll resist less when I make love to you?"

"D-do you want me to?" I asked him shyly.

"No," he smiled his sexy pedo smile and scooped me up in his arms. That night, we just laid there, starring into each others eyes, hoping that our lives together would last for eternity.

"I love you, Usagi" I whispered, staring straight into those lovely lavender eyes.


End file.
